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Here it is again, that foreign, yet familiar feeling.
Foreign, as it is not normally a part of being;
Familiar, as it has plagued masses time & again,
Whenever you get too high.
The constant inner struggle to maintain logic & rationality
Makes no difference here-There's no escaping your mind.
The thoughts & feelings of love and happiness wither
Replaced by fear, uncertainty, and ever pressing doubt.
The world is much different place when youre sucked into
This vaccuous black hole, alone with only your reeling mind.
The lines of reality and existance now blurred.
You will succum to being your own worst enemy.
What was once so clear is now nothing but a grey area.
What was tangible becomes something you can never reach.
The person youre interested in, isnt interested anymore-
So it seems. To you.
No logical reason is needed when your mind takes over.
Time goes on ever so slowly,
Taking you with it.
Maybe this toxic unfounded emotional jacuzzi will go away;
Maybe you'll be normal again after you sleep.
Maybe.. you'll wake up to find you have willed this into your reality.
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
A sober better day.
A tortured soul walks a beaten path
A path soaked in pain and remorse
A quick look over the shoulder reveals
what was already known
time & time again;
This tortured soul forever walks alone.
The air is so thin
Hard to breathe
even the leaves on the trees
have all suffocated & withered
Surely there must be more
More than just this one tortured soul
On this one beaten path
Misery loves company
So where the hell is everyone
*sigh*
Just accept it, Tortured Soul;
You are bound to walk this path alone.
This path is your Home.
memories....
there are good...
there are bad...
and there are these....
ghost memories..
memories from a time so pure and long ago, you dont even know if its real any more..
its quite sad really..
He used to care, but not so much any more i guess..
these are the memories i have of him..
theyre not much, but ill share them with you anyway..
i remember him getting me my 1st bike..
teaching me how to ride it..
i remember the one and only father daughter dance..
teaching me how to slow dance i remember watchin movies and eating popcorn in the den..
teaching me about how sports work...
i remember the fun time at the miniature golf place...
i remember feeling like daddys girl...
i also remember you never called me..
you never wrote to me..
you never said ’i love you’ and meant it on the phone..
you never paid for a plane ticket for me to come see you..
you never paid HALF of a plane ticket so you could see me..
you never stood up up your cunt wife that was verbally abusive to me when i didnt know any better..
You never sent me anything until my mom took you to court and made you pay $18/wk child support, for only 2 1/2 yrs...
i remember time going by....
and by...
i remember you spending holidays and birthdays with HER 2 daughters...
i remember you flying out to see them...
i remember you moving out of state, and having to track you down because you never gave me your number...
..and i remember calling you last year for Christmas, only to hear the laughter of HER and her 2 daughters in your happy, fulfilled life...
i remember in that call, you called me the wrong name...
Did i even know you at all??
Were you even real??
WHO ARE YOU??
The next time that band comes on the radio, im changing the station.
The next time i see that show on tv, im changing the channel.
The next time I drive by that place, im not givin it a second thought.
The next time you try to see me, im looking the other way.
The next time you apologize, im not listening.
The next time i sing a song, it will not be about you.
The next time i hear your voice, i will not know who you are.
The next time you say something mean, i wont be there to hear it.
The next time i come to visit, im not remembering you.
Ive come to notice as time has passed that people talk in the tongue of bullshit and claim it as truths. The things that come out of their mouths are merely hostile projections onto you, as how they feel about themselves. The guy that calls you a bitch for not trusting him is the guy thats acting like a bitch himself because hes actually lying to your face and then making you feel like its your issue. When someone says 'theyll deal with it' , that means they plan on doing nothing. The girl that calls you a fish face is really commenting on how unattractive she is/feels. She who feels like they have control, actually has no control over herself. Those that say they stand up for the good of the people and whats right really mean they only bitch when something doesn't go their way. Those that have accused you of living in the past are the ones stuck in the reruns, secretly wishing for the days of yore. Those that say they are happy but hate on everything you do are the ones that can't let go, can't move on, which simply means, they are NOT happy and want a life different than their own. She who says she hates childish drama, is the one that creates to live off of. Those that feel the need to tell everyone and anyone about how great they are/their life is, is hoping if they say it enough, people will believe that bullshit, and maybe they will believe it themselves. Some People lie. Some People lie to each other. Some People lie to themselves. What these type of people say to try to hurt you is only what they really hate about themselves. Dust it off ya shoulda. Life is short. Is the excitement of the drama really worth losing who you are? If you add up all your lies, are you richer? No. Just more deluded than ever.
